6 months in (or OUT!!!)!

This marriage is 6 months in and I honestly feel like I made the worst decision of my life marrying this man.

Is this what a new marriage is supposed to feel like?

What about the honeymoon phase? I can't recall being in the phase for even one day throughout the last 6 months.

I'm beginning to feel regret and wondering if I want to try to make it work.

I'm supposed to move to the country where he lives in a couple of weeks and i'm scared shitless thinking about it, trying to convince myself that he's worth the sacrifice.

I already quit my job, got a new lessor for my apartment and sold all my stuff, but right now, I feel like i'd rather take my chances here as a jobless person than move in with him. 

I look at our pictures and I barely recognize him, I can't remember why I chose him, it's only been SIX MONTHS and i'm L O O S I N G  I T!

What has he done to me?

What have I done to myself?

Is there a timeline for trying?

Should I wait for the 2 year mark?

I wonder if living together will make it easier..

I barely recognize the person i've become..

I'm mentally exhausted and drained by all of this..

Maybe even suicidal...

I got Married!

Yes, i'm surprised too! Just when I decided to stop writing, talking and even thinking about men, one of them comes to ask me to marry him, and I SAID YES! 

My first communication with my husband (let's call him Bob) was a Happy Birthday text which he sent to me 3 years ago via one of the social media apps. I glanced through his profile and the sapio-sexual in me knew that she wanted to get to know the person behind the profile. We exchanged a couple more messages and eventually he asked for my phone number. I remember the first video call we ever had,  Bob just wouldn't stop talking, it was like he was in an interview with a Fortune 500 company and he needed to put all his achievements forward to get the job. When I dropped the call, my first thoughts were "Damn, that guy must love the sound of his own voice", I was uninterested in pursuing a friendship.

Fast-forward to three years later we have jumped through all the hoops and made it official.

For the longest time I had wanted to get married, safe to say it's been a life-long dream. I always dreamed of having a husband who will be a better man than my father was, a man who would be around, not just to care for me but to give his kids the opportunity of having a dad that's present (something that I never had).

It's been two months now and I dare say that marriage is not bliss, rather, i'm falling into depression, wondering if I made the right choice. They say almost all newly weds go though this phase, so here I am, hoping and wishing that it's truly a phase.

Wish us luck!

New Me!

I have decided to stop writing about my relationship with men because, honestly, they are not worth the stress. I have kissed too many frogs in my short life and have now decided to stop kissing entirely, I'm sure you will agree that I have made the best decision. *inserts grinning emoji*. 

Last year, I focused on my self-development, my growth, dreams and aspirations and the goal was to resign from my shitty job and also relocate from my shitty country. I say shitty because, even though the company I used to work for was one of the biggest in its industry, the total lack of respect for their employees made it an employee's worst nightmare. My country is also known for having some of the happiest people, however, I must inform you that the people's happiness is borne out of their need to make their suffering seem mediocre and keep a much-needed smile on their faces while they suffer a.k.a. "suffering and smiling".

Through hard work, determination and divine grace my dreams became a reality in February 2021. I relocated to North America and have been 'living the dream' since then.