Fear of the unknown..

So i know I'm talking to myself, but that's fine.. I like to do that sometimes. I'm sort of bothered though . There's this dude i met about a month ago, physically not my ideal guy, he's short (well I'm tall), he's a different tribe and he worships in a different aspect of my religion. Guess you now have an idea of my ideal man, amongst other features.. Beyond these, he's been a great guy, listening to me, absorbing all my drama, being there for me (emotionally and otherwise) bla bla bla..

He's actually an interesting guy and for some reason, he's convinced himself that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-love, but who falls in love so fast. I used to be that way, but I've learned so much from previous mishaps. I've learned to hold back for a period so people unavoidably show their true colors.

Anyhoo.. I can't really define how I feel about this development especially because it's coming at a time when I feel my heart is unavailable. I love to love and I dream of having a fantastic family some day soon but im scared of letting emotions and anxiety becloud my judgement.

I'm scared of it all becoming too real..

Better Late Than Never 🙊

More than a year!! Damn babe, how long does it take to compose a decent post. Well as the saying goes, better late than never. 'Bout the guy from the last post, we didn't work out. We broke up and made up a couple times more, turns out we were never meant to be together. So right now, I think I'm single. There's a number of people who think I'm dating them but none of it is true.

I'm in love now though, with someone who doesn't love me half as much as I do. It's crazy how this life goes, but hey, what goes around comes around. I really truly love this guy, i see no fault in his every action, but he doesn't appreciate it, at least not as much as I'd want him to. It's difficult, but I'm living with it. Taking it one day at a time.

Meanwhile, my sister is getting married in a couple of months, great news yeah? Now here's the 'but', amidst all the excitement and preparations, I figured out that members of my family are so interested in 'My date' for the wedding. Like who told them I'm bringing someone? I'm not even dating, not to talk of being close enough to introduce the person to my entire extended family. I've been quite worried about the situation, I feel like I'm under pressure to make an impression. Sometimes I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel.

I wish there was someone who understands what I'm passing through. Don't get me wrong, I meet a million and one guys every day, but I don't feel like I've met 'THE ONE' (well.. except for the guy that doesn't love me back)

I'm scared, too many uncertainties..